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      不是所有的鱼都生活在同一片海里

      • 2019-05-28 14:54:11
      • 来源:黑板报
      • 编辑:黑板报
      • 己被围观284次
      不是所有的鱼都生活在同一片海里

       

      这是我毕业的第九个月,人在昆明,租了个三十平的房子?;涣肆椒莨ぷ?,第一份是在个商场里做企划,单休,加不完的班。第二份工作和专业相关的工作,心理辅导,是我喜欢的工作。
      前不久他开始断断续续的发短信给我。他教了一辈子书,眼睛不好,一把年纪突然迷上买彩票,前不久回家他看电脑的时候叫我坐在旁边给他念号,看他一本正经的拿着个本子在记录着彩票走势,那种感觉让我既觉得好笑又心酸。
      “回家吧,不要在昆明打工了,爸妈供你读了四年的大学,不是为了让你在昆明说便打个工,然后随便嫁人,过这样没有意义的人生?;乩春煤每脊裨?,省考就要开始了,好好准备一下。你只是个小姑娘,你不用像男生一样赚多少钱,爸爸只是希望你的一生安稳健康。你还年青,不要这样荒飞青春,不要把爸妈的愿望放之不关。爸爸相信你一定可以考试成功,加油”
      每天都是内容差不多的短信,持续了一个星期。我没有回复,只有愧疚。他是个话不多的男人,对家庭的爱隐忍沉默。他平时从来不会和我说那么多的话,大学四年他每次打电话给我都是问还有没有钱,天气冷了多穿点,要舍得吃点好的。而且作为一个乡村教师,他根本不会发信息,过年给他新买的一个智能机教他解锁他都觉得非常新奇。我可以想象他应该是请其他老师教他一个一个的打字,一个一个的确认,长舒一口气后,把他全部的希望发到了我的手里,我看到这些有些错别字的信息,沉甸甸的酸楚。
      我记得我毕业刚在商场上班的时候,要学的东西很多,非常忙。有次老家过节亲戚朋友都来了,他让我请假回家。我告诉他我才刚刚上班,不好请假。他说你只是在打工,不是上班。正中红心,我语塞。
      我们也有过争论,我告诉他时代不同了,你们那个时代是因为你们没有去选择自己想要生活的权力,而我们有。你们那个时代除了教师公务员其他都是工人,而我们这个时代不一样。我有自己想要的生活,我现在自己过得很好。我知道你是想把你认为好的东西给我,但你有没有问过我喜不喜欢。我喜欢的生活不是安稳,是自由。
      一个人的价值观其实是在受着各种外界环境的影响而塑造出来的。他师专毕业就去做了老师,在那种一个学校里只有一个老师的地方,村里的人都尊敬他,日子不算富裕也不算穷困,安安稳稳乐乐呵呵一小半辈子就过去了。那是他认为的完美生活。他只是想把这种他认为好的生活复制给我。我知道他并没有错。
      不是所有的鱼都生活在同一片海里。
      我性格比较内向,不健谈。小的时候说话很结巴,遇到人不敢说话,也不自信。亲戚朋友给我的评价是:胆小的、善良的、孤僻的、不是那么聪明的、不自信的、只适合当老师和公务员的、性格太软弱的、脾气太温和的、容易受人欺负的。所有的形容词堆砌出来的那么一个我。
      我有一个表姐,从小都是很开朗的、健谈的、善良的、大方的、很优秀的、朋友很多的、深受老师朋友亲戚喜爱的。很多褒义形容词堆砌出来的她。
      我曾经一直很希望能够成为她那样的人,成为那样让别人喜欢的人。
      工作之后我一直努力的在改变自己,变成健谈的、会找话题聊天的、大方的、朋友很多的那样的一个人。后面发现其实改变是一个痛苦的过程,并且让我很不舒服,因为我在改变自己取悦别人。
      我是个很喜欢独处的人,现在我一个人的时候在家自己学了画画,画的还不错。
      有次我手机在公交车上被小偷摸了,下车的时候我追着小偷跑了一个站,后面抓着小偷的衣领告诉他不把手机还给我我就打110报警。(其实当时没想着电话不在怎么报警这事)
      我之前考了会计证,现在上班我不止做着心理辅导,还兼职做着会计,收入还可以。
      我脾气很温和,虽然话不多,但和同事领导相处的都挺不错。
      现在想想,好像这样也还不坏。比在人群散尽、灯光黯淡、杯盘狼藉的时刻,发现只剩一个疲惫、孤单、空虚的自己好多了。
      我再没有想要变成另外一个人了,我在用我自己喜欢的生活方式活着,而且过得很好。不要活在别人的评价里,也不要去视图用别人的眼光定义自己,因为别人看到的可能只是万分之一的你。如果你觉得别人眼里的你就是全部的自己的话,那很可悲,是你让自己变成那样的人。如果你要去选择你想要的生活,就必须要去做一个更好的自己,用自己喜欢的方式。
      一定有人和你不一样,他会觉得内向是不好的,外向才是好的。独处是不好的,朋友多才是好的。自由是不好的,稳定才是好的。

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