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      路的尽头究竟还能走向哪里

      • 2019-05-28 14:54:14
      • 来源:黑板报
      • 编辑:黑板报
      • 己被围观975次
      路的尽头究竟还能走向哪里

       

      从看到你第一眼,我就在想,无论听到什么都无意识抿下嘴唇的你应该是一个很好打交道的人吧。
      后来,这样的猜测一点一点地增多。因为缺少语言的沟通,所以我常常用你接下来的行为和举动来证实自己的观点。
      朋友问:你到底了解对方是一个什么样的人吗?
      我毫不犹豫地回答:沉默,寡言,心事太重,难以表达自己的人。
      朋友问:所以,你根本就不了解这个人对吗?
      “沉默,寡言,难以表达自己”这些都是外化的表象,正因为如此,外界也就毫无可能走向你内心的那条路?;匾淦鹄?,在走进一个人内心的过程中,我们都曾试图用各种方式去接近,或许我们都有那么一刻觉得,只要一伸手,便能够得到真正的那个你,可最终,都是我们猜测的一场虚妄的梦。
      在人与人的交往中,究竟什么样的方式才是正确且有效的呢?
      至此刻,我仍不明白。
      你说我们要彼此体谅。
      体谅对你而言是一种态度。“行,你去吧。”“好,随便你。”“没问题,我有什么好生气的。”你很有诚意地摆出了体谅的态度,却不管你体谅的结果——我是否真的能体会到你的体谅。不能让我变豁达的体谅,不是我要的体谅。
      体谅于我而言更像是一种结果。通过体谅的态度开头,体谅的行为贯穿始终,双方抱着互相体谅的态度让彼此对未来更有信心,才是真正的体谅。
      否则,那种抱着怒气指责对方说:你看,我都那样体谅你了,你还抱怨个啥?!
      如果你是真正的体谅,那么,我根本就不会再抱怨,冷战,或者沉默。
      在感情的道路上,我曾一度认为每个人都无法正确地认识到自己的缺点。后来才发现,这是一种误解。大多数人甚至非常明白自己的缺点,只是他们常常坚持给这些缺点取一些新的名字,完全不同于世人对于缺点的习惯性称呼。
      所以,我们在争论的道路上常常迷失方向。
      直到最后,我才反应过来,我一直说的大象,其实就是你一直说的老虎。我们花了太多时间在讨论究竟是大象还是老虎上。其实,我们要讨论的关键是,如何让你明白你的老虎其实是一头大象。
      写到这里,我突然有点儿明白了。也许不是我们不懂什么叫体谅,只是你懂的体谅与我懂的体谅不是一回事。
      你的“体谅”是一种语言上的妥协。不代表你的气势妥协,不代表你对结果妥协,不代表你对我整个行为的妥协。
      我的“体谅”正好相反。我指的是整个行为的妥协,绝非语言,气势,用词遣句所能涵盖。
      其实,早就想用记录文字的方式来思考这个问题。
      每次提笔都不知道从何写起,今日,有些顿悟。
      因为忙而作为借口的逃避,实质早已对生活造成了巨大的变化。
      如果更早一些明白这些,很多事情的处理方法会更简单而非更纠结。
      心里也就某件事情彻底画上句号。
      人和人的缘分,从上世延续到这世,也只有那么多的福分。折腾完毕,无论如何努力和使劲,也都无济于事了。最后会把两个人都累死,双方还不认彼此的好。与其最后狼狈收场,不如趁现在有理智,气定神闲说句再会。
      “后来我常观察,很多人与我们发生了争执,争执的往往是同一件事,就好比绿灯亮了起来,我们的车都可以通过了,但我说绿色是绿色,你说绿色是蓝色,于是我们为此争了一天。”

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